I remember sitting on my bed as a preteen, writing by the light of the street lights till all hours of the night. Page after page I would fill my notebooks with poetry, short stories, thoughts, and reflections. I would dream of the ways my life would unfold. A million different outcomes were created and then disassembled for new possible paths to rise and greet me. There were so many things that I wanted to do with my life. Places to go, worlds to see, and I wanted them all. I didn’t know how I would get there, but I was told a million times that I was a dreamer, so I thought I would get there eventually. But until then, I would keep on writing, feeling, and yes, dreaming. I think it is rare that life can unfold the way we expect it to, especially as a kid. However, I think it was my ability to dream that started me on a path that allowed me the space to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do, even if it was only in my head or in a journal. Looking back, it set me on a path that brought me to where I am today. Although the impatient side of me wishes it didn’t take so long, I know in my heart that it took as long as it took because there were many lessons to learn and experiences to have along the way. As a result, I am who I am in this moment. I also think that is what makes it so very special.
The last few weeks have been surreal. Even the young teen who would spend hours writing, dreaming, and giggling with my two chosen sisters as we would scare ourselves silly with true stories of our psychic and ghost experiences, would have a hard time believing that some of my long-term dreams have come true. Believing in myself was always a tricky thing for me. Perhaps that is why everything feels so surreal. But the truth of the matter is this – I am so incredibly grateful for all my experiences along this winding road. As crazy as it may sound, I am also grateful for the painful ones too. After the tears, heartache, and even trauma, I have come to see that there is good in this world. There is light and love and renewal for me and for us all. I may not have thought that while I was in the experience and the pain was overwhelming, but reflecting back, it made me see that I am a part of something much bigger than myself. The lessons I pulled from the various points in the wreckage showed me not only the good in the world, but the light and hope from the people around me and within myself. It was that little girl, the young woman that wrote all those years ago who gave me a gift that I will forever treasure. The chance and the daring to dream a life that I wanted. It was the one place where even my own voice would not sabotage. This seed, this gift, was the space where my magickal foundation grew out of. To dare to dream, to keep them in the silence of my heart as I allowed the spark to grow brought forward a knowing of what I wanted to do. Dreams need action. While the first steps were only mine to take, I have been blessed with a found soul family that has loved and encouraged me along the way. With the love and support of my family and friends at ZuZu’s Healing Arts, the Temple of Witchcraft, The Feminine Macabre, and Paranormal Buzz Radio, I have had so many opportunities arise and I am grateful for all of them. You welcomed a quiet, introverted, dreamer and gave me a place to be myself. There are no words that can fully convey my love and gratitude for you. To all the students, clients, friends, and acquaintances I have made along the way, thank you for your love and trust. I may not talk with everyone all the time, but please know that I am so glad that our paths crossed. Each day is an adventure, and I am happy that we were able to share some time with each other. You inspire and encourage me to keep on going and to work at my craft. To my husband and daughter, you made me believe in love again and with it, everything is possible. Conversations can be held with a smile and a look and in your eyes. Knowing that you are by my side makes life the sweet and emotional adventure that it is. I cannot envision this life without you, nor do I want to. The road will always twist and turn with the radio on and together we can do anything. I love you.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Much love,
Renee Bedard, The Whispering Crow
The Whispering Crow 